Problematic Teen Anxiety: Expert Insights from Maggie Dent’s New Book
Human brains thrive on predictability. When life throws a curveball, anxiety protects us from danger. This works the same for teens as it does for adults. However, when anxiety in teens becomes problematic, they may not yet have the skills to get through it on their own. Here’s how to help your teen through anxious times.
The Function of Anxiety
In the book Help Me Help My Teen, Maggie Dent outlines how to take care of your teen when they have problematic anxiety. This type of anxiety gets in the way of their daily peace and functioning.
Stress and anxiety are a function of survival and are a necessary part of self-protection. Anxiety in teens does not mean there is something wrong with them. It just means they are protectively responding to their environment.
Everyone feels stressed at times, including and especially teens. Stress and anxiety are a normal coping mechanism, as they compel us to think of the future and change our behavior or environment to ensure a better outcome.
For teens, normal and healthy stress might be about an upcoming test. Worrying about it might make them study to prepare. Or if they’ve gotten themselves into an uncomfortable situation with a peer. Anxiety about what could happen when discomfort arises could motivate your teen to remove themselves from that situation.
Fight Or Flight Response
Healthy stress is a part of everyone’s life. Sure, it feels uncomfortable, but it serves an evolutionary purpose by channeling energy to improve performance or change an outcome. Problematic stress and anxiety feel the same as the healthy type, and the human brain has the same fight or flight response to both.
Compared to healthy stress, problematic anxiety brings with it more worry, apprehension, and irrational fears. The brain goes into overdrive with the fight or flight response since it feels the same in the body.
Since anxiety is a normal feeling that happens to everyone at times, it’s important to recognize that and talk to your teen about the difference between regular anxiety and problematic anxiety.
That being said, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health challenge for adolescents, so signs of anxiety shouldn’t be brushed off or ignored. If you suspect your teen’s anxiety has moved into an unhealthy range, they need calming tools and grounding support from their parents and adult support system.
Teen Anxiety Symptoms
Anxiety becomes worrisome for teens when they have ongoing symptoms of stress or anxious feelings for an long period of time. If they have three or more symptoms for a prolonged period, then it’s time to reach out to them with support.
If you notice your teen has headaches or an upset stomach regularly, it could be from anxiety. Sometimes, it can cause sleep disruption or loss of sleep with racing thoughts and heartbeat. If your teen is excessively tired, this is a good reason to ask questions about that.
Your kiddo might be getting enough sleep, but they still have low energy. If they are more moody, angry, or just downright irritable, these are all signs of problematic anxiety.
Of course, some of these are hard to spot in teens due to the hormonal changes and general nature of teenagers. Use your instincts, and note if these behaviors are prolonged or so far out of the ordinary that it is hard to put together the pieces of why they are acting out in these ways.
Teens are social beings by nature, and typical brain development supports this. So if you notice that your teen is more interested in their peers than their family, that is good! However, if you notice that they have suddenly pulled away from their friends and are avoiding activities or school, something might be amiss.
There are some risk factors to be aware of as you consider your teen’s behaviors and asses if they are in the range of normal or problematic anxiety. If your teen has experienced trauma in the past or is LGTQIA+, they are at higher risk for having an anxiety disorder. Neurodivergent teens are also at higher risk, especially during high school.
Help Your Teen With Stress and Anxiety
When you notice your teen is stressed and has prolonged anxiety symptoms, a great place to start is to help them assess their anxiety level. Always start by telling them how much you love them, and be open to anything they feel. Make sure they know that you’ll love them no matter what they feel, what they say, or how they say it.
Help your teen by helping them be aware of the early warning signs of how anxiety shows up in their body. Stress and anxiety can show up in the body as:
- Butterflies in the stomach
- Dry mouth
- Racing heart
- Difficulty sleeping
- Shaking
- Feeling dizzy
A visual 0-10 scale to measure how they are feeling is an easy way to assess how bad their anxiety is. This takes the pressure off, verbalizing how they feel in that moment. It may even be a starting point for talking about their worries.
You can easily make an emotions scale at home or buy one. Once your teen reaches a five on the scale, it’s time to put some calming techniques to work.
Once your teen can identify their own early warning signs that anxiety is flowing in their system, have them ask themselves these questions to see if that helps reduce the fight or flight feeling.
- Is the place I’m at, person I’m with, or thing I’m doing unsafe?
- Are these thoughts true?
- What is the evidence and facts to support this feeling?
If prolonged anxiety in your teen persists, there are many ways to help them through it. Focus on being open, their autonomy, and guiding them without control.
Approaching Problematic Teen Anxiety
The best way to approach problematic anxiety in teens is to start with empathy. Dent has some wonderful tips in Help Me Help My Teen for communicating with your teen in a way that feels approachable to them.
Start by having a chat with them to hear them out. All feelings are valid, and it’s very important to listen rather than fix or minimize whatever problem they are feeling. First and foremost, tell them how much you love them, no matter what.
Then, gently bring up the symptoms you’ve seen in them. Perhaps you have already been discussing trying to manage symptoms with them. If that’s the case, tell them you’ve noticed it’s been consuming them for quite some time, and ask them where it is coming from.
They may or may not know. Either way, let them know you’re open to listening and hearing any worries they might have. Ask them how they feel the anxiety is affecting them. It may be that they are more affected than you realize.
How to Help
Once you have established that it’s time to get some tools and support to help your teen through this challenging time, explore what is available to get them started on a healing journey. Self-management is key, and it can empower teens to decide what does and does not work for them as they navigate this. Give them the autonomy to be part of the solution.
Meditation can be a beneficial tool for anxiety and stress. The Headspace app is a great resource that is easy to access on the phone or try a guided meditation at home.
Mindfulness activities are another great way for your teen to center themselves in times of anxiety. Practicing staying in the present moment and using grounding techniques works well for many people. Beyond Blue has some wonderful relaxation exercises that are simple to use, too.
Never underestimate the power of yoga. It has mental and emotional benefits practiced with mind and body connection and can make a huge difference in a teen’s life.
Lifestyle Matters
Lifestyle factors can also come into play here. Having good nutrition, regular exercise, and practicing sleep hygiene sets the stage for mental health progress to be made. Keep caffeine to a minimum, and consider switching to herbal teas if your teen is open to that. Some herbs help calm the body and mind and are simple to access by making tea.
Connection is endlessly important for humans, especially when experiencing anxiety. While having a supportive and loving connection with your teen is crucial, spending time with their peers is imperative for their developmental and emotional growth.
If they’ve withdrawn from friends, do your best to encourage them to connect with them. Harsh winters can make anxiety and depression more challenging, so try suggesting some of these winter activities for teens!
If your teen is so withdrawn that including friends into their lives isn’t possible yet, consider an emotional support cat or other animal to pave a pathway for connection.
Connecting with nature in childhood makes for happier adults. Teens are not exactly little kids, and they’re not exactly adults. But nature, gardening, getting vitamin D, fresh air, and some quiet time away from worries can help almost everyone’s mental health.
What Parents Can Do
Keeping a calm and cozy home to make it a healing and stable place for your teen to retreat to is a great way that you can support them. Make them a cup of tea, have low lighting, and watch their favorite movie. Make sure to have a stash of their favorite snacks, too! Proper nutrition is a must, but so are comfort foods now and then.
Model self-care by showing them how to protect your peace and take care of your own body and mind when you are feeling stressed. Chilling out, taking a bubble bath, having a day with zero plans, or going for a walk will help your teen incorporate that care into their own lives.
Invite them to take a walk with you and see if you can help them identify the top 3 ways that are working for them to manage their anxiety. If walking isn’t their jam, do something they love to do with them. And always, always tell your teen how loved they are.
When they were little, I made each of my kids a small chalkboard sign to hang on the doors that said, “You are loved.” It wasn’t until they were teens and we moved homes that I realized how much they cherished those signs. They couldn’t wait to unpack them and hang them. I never knew they even noticed them over the years! But they did. And they wanted that handmade reminder of how much I love them whenever they enter their rooms.
Seek Counseling
Along with all of these tools, taking your child to a mental health provider is immensely helpful when they are struggling with anxiety. Some of us parents are very bonded with our teens, but it’s important to recognize that they are their own person with struggles they may not always want to tell you about.
A counselor or therapist could be neutral enough for your teen to take their advice easier than yours. Plus, they will assuredly have some other wonderful and useful tools to help your kiddo get through this hard time.
Parents and teens struggling with anxiety, remember that using your calming tools a little bit every day helps. The world will continue, the sun will rise and set, and you’ll form new connections and gain new growth opportunities.