Managing the Overwhelm of Online Parenting Advice
From our first online parenting search, we’re thrust into a world of endless parental advice – much of it from social media. Before we know it, our feeds are filled with parenting hacks, product recommendations, and “expert” opinions on how to do everything from sleep training to feeding schedules.
It’s exhausting and often overwhelming. The constant stream of information makes you wonder: are we helping ourselves by seeking out this advice, or are we just adding to our stress? It’s no longer just about trusting our instincts—now we have to filter through an endless amount of opinions, expert or not, and try to figure out what’s best for our children.
The 2024 U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents report states that “the rapid adoption and evolution of technology and social media have been difficult and stressful for parents to manage, including by posing new risks to children’s health and safety.”
Parental anxiety can manifest in many ways – worrying about your child’s health, milestones, school performance, or social life. It can also mean neglecting your own needs because you’re so focused on your child. Some parents may become overprotective or constantly search online for answers to parenting, health, or developmental questions.
Are we “momfluencing” the fun out of parenthood?
I invited our neighbor and her daughter to come along with us on our first beach trip down the shore this summer. It was just going to be me and my 5 year old, Valentina, kicking off “Camp Mom” so the night before I decided to extend the invite to a fellow “counselor”.
My excitement for the extra guests quickly turned into a quiet panic. It’s true, V would have a playmate and I would have some company of my own. But I was also now not only in charge of facilitating a good time for my kid, but for her friend and my friend too. I typically panic in a productive manner, so instead of falling into freeze mode I flighted right into my TikTok saved tab.
As summer had been approaching I had been hearting and saving crafts, road trip hacks, summer snacks, outdoor games, rainy day ideas, and of course novel products and tricks from parents who had an average day at the beach down to a science.
Yes, a mini inflatable pool would save us the agony of worrying about rip tide. And bringing watercolor palettes would level up the typical shell collecting ritual. We would have the perfect mother, mother, daughter, daughter beach day because these things were going to make it happen. I ordered next day pickup at Target, and while en route to the shore we picked up our goods.
Spoiler alert: the kids didn’t use these “perfect beach day finds”
The moms sat in the inflatable pool for a total of five minutes after spending 15 minutes filling it bucket-by-bucket to about two inches in depth. The girls played in the surf never once considering trying out the safe haven we had labored over. The moms were also the only ones who painted the sea shells, while the girls pretended to be crabs. Even so, our five-year-olds emerged from the beach sand encrusted and happy as, well, clams this time.
Fast forward to our most recent and final trip to the beach this season. It was completely impromptu. My nephew’s skinned knee caused an early conclusion to our day at the splash pad. My daughter and I were near the beach and decided to take advantage.
With just one child-sized hooded towel in hand we set up camp. No pail, no shovel, no pool, no paint. My daughter ran in the waves, used her hands to build a castle and I sculpted her into a sand mermaid.
The two beach outings couldn’t have been more different. Happily both days created great memories for my daughter, but one was much easier to execute.
By no means do I think the parent influencers out there have this evil plot to destroy simple fun. But when bombarded with a never ending stream of “get ready with me’s”, “house tours”, and recommended products “that changed lives”, it can be hard to think that we’re ever doing, buying or preparing enough as parents today.
A day at the beach should be inherently fun. The ocean and the sand provide our children with enough entertainment. Still, the “solutions” being served to me were designed to solve problems I didn’t even have yet. And the idea of being that prepared parent was too tempting to ignore. To be honest, I was preempting danger and boredom, when simply being present would have done just that.
Parental anxiety is on the rise
A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that parents are more likely than other adults to feel misunderstood about their daily stress. They may self-isolate when anxious or stressed, often to hide their feelings from their child. Ironically, in striving to create the perfect childhood, some parents end up creating their own personal nightmare, a situation that’s tough to escape, especially when faced alone.
Seeking reviews and personal accounts from other parents can be a way to break out of isolation without needing to engage in personal contact.
But do we really need to crowdsource childrearing solutions the same way we do for restaurant recommendations? Does having more insights necessarily lead to better parenting?
Information and advice overload
From baby fevers and eczema to growth charts, there’s advice out there for everything—a TikToking parent has answers. Targeted ads push products and solutions for needs you didn’t even know you had. Momfluencers and Dadfluencers who’ve “been there” promise to save you from the frustration and heartache they experienced. So, you stay, you scroll, and you search for more.
Findings from that same APA study show that on most days, parents reported feeling overwhelmed by stress, with 60% saying it made it hard to focus and 50% stating that it left them too paralyzed to act.
Reports from 2024 are no more encouraging. The Surgeon General has declared parental stress so debilitating that it’s now a public health issue. The foreword reads:
“As technological and economic forces have reshaped the world at a dizzying pace, it has also become harder for parents to prepare children for a future that is difficult to understand or predict.”
“One response to a world in which success and fulfillment feel increasingly out of reach has been an intensifying culture of comparison—often propagated by influencers and online trends—with unrealistic expectations around the milestones, parenting strategies, achievements, and status symbols that kids and parents must pursue. Chasing these unreasonable expectations has left many families feeling exhausted, burned out, and perpetually behind.”
When I was pregnant, I had low progesterone. My digital search for information ended in a tearful meltdown and an incoherent voicemail to my OB. After that, I resolved never to research health issues online again. Five years later, I’ve mostly kept that promise, though I made exceptions—Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease was one.
We’ve all experienced watching an expert warn about screen time’s effects on kids while our own child watches us on a screen. As parents, we often seek information in the name of “due diligence,” but sometimes just experiencing life and learning from our own child works best.
Perhaps our first instinct shouldn’t be to type symptoms into TikTok, Google, or YouTube. While a doctor is always a logical call, for less serious concerns, we might actually know best on our own.
How can we reduce inputs?
As a mom trying to balance it all, I don’t claim to have the answer. But maybe we can start by doing just enough. My daughter reminds me that, at the end of the day, my love and attention are all she really needs. There are other wants, of course, and I’m happy to fulfill them when I can, but not at the cost of my mental health.
The Surgeon General’s report states, “The work of raising a child is work, no less valuable than the work performed in a paid job and of extraordinary value when it comes to the impact on the future of society.”
Maybe it’s time we start sharing our experiences with friends in the real world and tuning into our own instincts. Instead of relying solely on digital communities, we might need to lean on our local ones too. Acknowledging there’s a problem can be the first step toward finding a solution. Perhaps this mental health advisory is just that—a start.